Throughout this foster care journey, there is one prayer that has been constant: "Your will God, not mine." In the beginning, I will admit - I did not mean it. What I meant was: "Your will - as long as your will aligns with mine." My husband and I would pray "God - do your will in Abby, Panda, Joy, and Thomas' life," silently pleading: "but let them stay, make that your will, do not take them away from us."
Something has begun to shift. It started while Thomas and Joy were still here and it is still shifting. I started to trust Him more. Trust his will more. Trust the goodness of His plan more. Even if it hurts at the time, even if I can't see the reason or the purpose, I am actually starting to believe He has a plan.
Yesterday we found out that the fifteen-year-old who we wanted to adopt is no longer available for adoption. His current foster family, who at first did not want to adopt him (they were just a straight foster family), has changed their mind. This is awesome news. From what we have heard, they have really done wonderful things in his life. Theirs is the home in which he started to believe that he wanted, and was worthy of, a family. So while we are a little disappointed for us, we rejoice for him. This is the shift I am talking about. One year ago, this same news would have angered, saddened, and confused me. Yesterday when I got the call, I was so excited for this kid. He is home. It actually didn't matter all that much to me that it wasn't my home. I thought God's will was done. I don't know why the Lord told us to submit for him. I don't understand why he wasn't ours. But I trust His plan. Even when it means I don't get everything I want.
Last night we were driving home from a training and I was thinking about the Lord's prayer. Specifically, the line that says: "Kingdom come, YOUR will be done." That is when the Kingdom comes. When God's will is done in our lives. When we get out of the way. When we relinquish perceived control. When we put down our agenda. Then we see the kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven.