Friday, January 13, 2012

Toeing the Line

For my whole walk as a Christian I feel like I have toed the line on "radical". I want a radically changed life but I don't want to radically change my life. I long to experience the move of the Holy Spirit but I don't want to clear out all the junk to make room for Him to do that. I feel itchy restless and distracted. I sit down to have some time with he Lord and my mind wanders, my phone beeps, a think about birthday parties, sweaters, bills, pintrest, paper work, and dinner. I call my attention back to my God again and again and finally get up frustrated that I can't keep my attention on the King of the Universe, my Creator for even 5 minutes at a time. I have felt God nudging me for years to give up this or fast from this, and get this, I put Him off. That's right I put off God. I think well I am a foster parent that is radical enough. But the bible says :
Matthew 16:25
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

So I'm gonna try this year to uncurl my fingers one by one from the grip on all these pretty little things that I love so much. These things that keep me comfortable and distracted from seeing and hearing God clearly. I am excited and hopeful and scared; but I am ready for a radically changed life for a radically changed heart.