An Un-Romantic view of foster care

Recently, I was asked to give an unromatic view of foster care. I thought: "well, just come eat dinner at my house. Or, even better - come to a restaurant. But honestly, maybe I do write more about the beautiful or spiritual side of foster care than the hard or ugly parts. I would dare to say that foster care is not romantic at all. You are stepping into a life that reveals the brokeness of the world and of yourself. So here it goes.

It is lonely and isolating sometimes. Especially in a roomful of moms or families. The truth is, you don't ever feel like you completely belong. Your life is similar in so many ways, you may be in the throes of potty training or sleep training, or any other normal parenting issue, but the differences are glaringly obvious and huge. You maybe doing all that only to send the kiddos home in six months and then to start all over again with the next ones. Even the most sensitive and supportive friends sometimes say hurtful things because the truth is: they do not understand the life you are living and they have no point of reference for it.

Also, with every new placement of kiddos comes the inevitable basic skills that have to be taught. Toilet training almost-four-year-olds. Sleep training children of all ages. Teaching them to eat with a spoon. Trying to teach children to exist on more than chicken nuggets and fries. Every time I get a new placement, I wonder: how many kids will I toilet train in my life? How many will I sleep train?

This is a life where you willingly hand your heart over to be pulvarized time and time again, knowing full well exactly what is going to happen. A life where every other week, I pull a screaming child out of his crying mother's arms, strap him in a car seat and drive 60 miles away from an exchange that was never part of God's design. All the while, there is a chorus in the back seat of "No mama! Mommy!" Meaning: I do not want you mama Rachel! I want my mommy! Or the unending grief over the kids who have come and gone before. The lack of closure. The not knowing how to grieve because how do you grieve the loss of someone who was never intended to stay and who hasn't passed away? There's the knowledge that often times, you are sending kids back to situations that are not much different than the ones they were taken from.

Here is the clincher: The enemy he doesn't want you to be a foster parent. He doesn't want you to adopt. You will come under attack. Your marriage, your career, your finanaces, and any other area he can get to. You see, Satan is already having his way in these children's lives, their families. His mission is to rip them apart. He hates it when you step in and speak Jesus over them. When you start praying and contending for a family that, maybe, no one else is, he hates that. Orphan care foster care...whatever you want to call it, it is not romantic it is war. A necessary war.

The difference in a year

This picture was taken one year ago today. The day I found out that I had a son. The day on which God fulfilled a promise. Today I finished reading his CPS file. One of the final steps before we get to adopt him. God is so good. There are no words. One year later and I think my heart may burst. All glory to God who works all things together.

Full

Some days the sun catches things a little bit differently and it is just sweeter. I mean when you look around to see what the difference is you can't put your finger on it. Your still scrubbing grease out of the same pan. your kids are still only moderately getting along. You jeans are still too tight. Your bank account is still barely in the black. Your minivan still smells like burning plastic. But none of that matters .Not only does it not matter but you are thankful for it. The bacon grease, the muffin top, the scrappy kids, the stinky van. You put on a Bon Iver song and scrub your pan with your kids fighting in the background, and your heart is so so full that it spills over and out of your eyes. I think this is what it feels like when my eyes are on God, because in the light of Him it is all so much better. When I have these days I think if I can just hold on to this nothing else matters. I know He is always there I just get distracted sometimes, I look away from Him and turn to my circumstances, and when i do that no matter what they are I feel sad, empty, and overwhelmed, and when I turn back I wonder why I ever looked away because He is just so stinking good.

Pray!

If you pray. If you believe at all. If you know Abba Father. If you know Jesus the healer. If you believe that all things are possible with God. If you believe that God is relevant and still works. If you believe at all in miracles...Please read this story and get on your knees petition our good Father to do his thing. I love this family and I am standing with them in faith that God will heal their son!

Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Seasons and traditions for the transitional family

To me, the Texas State Fair kind of kicks off the holiday season. I know that is strange, but in my mind it goes: State Fair, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love seasons. Not that they really happen in Texas. I love to celebrate the changing of the seasons. I love holidays. Since I have become a foster parent, they have become somewhat bittersweet. We are coming up on our third holiday season as foster parents. We take different kids to the fair every year.

On Halloween, for the past two years, my family has looked almost completely different, save for Matt and I. Although, for two years in a row, I had a Dora. Two different toddler girls, same costume. I am happy to report that this year there will be no Dora.