Resolve

Last Friday, 20/20 did a special called Overmedication in Fostercare.
I sat in front of the TV, with tears running down my face, listening to the statistics and to the kids retell their stories of being on upwards of 9 heavy duty meds and passed around to more than 20 foster homes. I thought of the two foster children occupying the two rooms at the end of my hallway. I thought: not them. I can stop these terrible things from happening to them.

Sometimes, friends, the burden is unbearable. There are weeks at a time where I am doing nothing but dreaming of orphans or tossing and turning at night thinking of how much the addition to my house would cost in order to fit all 162 million of the world's oprhans. Sometimes I get so caught up in the 162 million, that I forget about the two who are here.

Then, some days (and more, lately, if I'm being honest) I want to completely throw in the towel. Take my baby and run. These kids we have right now are hard. Not their fault, but that doesn't make parenting them any easier. They are not an easy fit. It is an uphill battle. I find myself missing Thomas and Joy, and wondering what exactly God's plan is.

But this special gave me resolve. These kids will not be overmedicated, they will not be moved from home to home. They will be safe, they will stay here, they will not move, I will do my best (by the grace of God) to parent them, they will not be put on meds. I have resolve.