Today, I was in the room where a baby was born.
I was honored to witness a mama push her baby out into the world. A miracle, no doubt.
I have never wanted biological children. And I don't know all the reasons. I can't name them. Birthing just doesn't appeal to me. Not the way that adoption and foster care do. Sometimes, I wonder if there's something wrong with me. People say things to me like: "But it's what you were created to do." Or they say: "Don't you want to experience the miracle of creating a life?" And then: "Aren't you worried you're missing out?"
So when my path crossed with that of the young pregnant girl six months ago, I would never have thought I would be standing in the room while she labored and pushed for her baby. Honestly, during the last three months of going to classes and sonograms and preparing for today, I wondered in the back of my mind if all this would start a certain itch or scratch or I'd hear something biological tick or whatever.
Welp, it didn't. But I did come out of that room certain about some things. Maybe I was created to do this. Exactly what I'm doing. I shudder at the thought of missing out on this right here. On what we get to be a part of creating.
And maybe that young mama, just maybe, she is my miracle.
i've been here on my couch for the past hour reading your various blog posts, and i'm pretty overcome with emotion. i always knew you and matt were amazing and different... i guess "unique" and "special" and "called" might be more appropriate words, but whatever. i knew you were both cut from the same Cloth as The Man. i'm in awe. fo real. i struggle on a daily basis with issues surrounding parenthood... with my two sweet little girls who came out of my own body and who have my own traits and issues. it's all familiar, since i see myself in them all the time, yet i get pissed that they're so much like me. (lol!) but YOU people. you're different. you take these little people who come from everyone. anyone. and you love them. and you handle it. and you ask for help. (that's huge, p.s.) and you write about it and encourage others. there are days i feel like i deserve a Nobel Peace Prize bc i didn't scream at anyone i'm related to, and then i read your blog, and i'm humbled, and i'm like, "what the hell am i complaining about??? these people walk on freaking water." just, wow. as my dad used to say to me my whole life when i did something that made him so proud and so happy... "you wow me." seriously... you Clarke people wow me.
ReplyDeleteRachel, only you and Matt know what is right for your family. We will continue to pray for you as you live through the joys and struggles associated with the adoption process. We also applaud your courage to stay true to yourselves as you continue to add children created by others to your family. We love you guys!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you guys are who you are and that you haven't given in to doing things the same way everyone else does them. And, I feel this tiny piece of comradery with you right now, as I got to be present for two births this summer.
ReplyDeleteshe is a miracle and I'm so thankful you guys stepped into her life and her into yours. It is sweet grace to watch you interact with her and love on her and how she loves you too!! love watching you live life with honesty covered by his grace.
ReplyDeleteI so identify with this post. I have never had the desire to be pregnant nor give birth, but I desire very much to be a mom. Adoption is the path we have chosen, or perhaps, it has chosen us. I wondered if I would feel differently as I got older, as I've been married, as my sister has given birth, but nothing has changed and our adoption journey has begun. I believe this is, in fact, what we were created for.
ReplyDeleteI'm absolutely positive that you are doing what you were created to do. :)
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