Saturday, January 29, 2011


With foster care loss is inevitable. You keep kids for weeks, months, and sometimes years. You raise them, you laugh with them, you clean up there vomit, you kiss their boo boos, you cuddle them when they are scared, you make memories with them, you bond, you get attached... then they go. Often times you hear nothing of how they are doing, you never see them again. It is abrupt. It is hard. It is heart breaking, gut wrenching pain like I have never experienced. When the girls (our first placement left) I collapsed on the floor under the weight of it. Then I cried out to Jesus. It looks as though the two children we are fostering now will be going home soon. We are struggling to complete the work with these children, because every time they do something funny it stabs at my heart, my chest tightens up because I know the memory of all of this will break my heart. People often ask "Do you get attached?" I have no idea how I could do this effectively and not get attached. I am parenting little amazing human beings. I knew when we were called to foster care that it would ultimately break my heart. But I wouldn't trade one second I have with the children that come through our house to wipe all that pain away. All that being said it is a strange life one that sometimes feels heavy. I read this quote by C.S. Lewis the other day and it comforted me about my impending grief.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Yes it is definately better to have a broken heart than a hardened heart.


  1. So lovely. What an amazing work you do!

  2. Oh, I LOVE this. Thank you for the quote. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into how my boys' foster mamas felt when we walked in to the picture. Love your heart. :)

  3. Rachel! I appreciate you so much! This is a powerful post. We haven't yet had to say goodbye to our foster kiddos and it might not happen but I totally agree, I hardened heart would be much worse. We just keep trusting Him and taking the next step, right?!

    Also-I am so honored that you want to pray with and for me - will you send me your email address? I'm creating up a list right now. :)

    Love you dear!

  4. I love you. I always walk through this with you. When I can, I will be a safe place to fall down, to fall apart, to fall on, to fall with. Your heart is the reason I am on this journey. Without you, my heart would be stone. Thank you for breaking it in amazing ways. I am never the same and I am eternally grateful.
    You know who...

  5. Umm the above comment was from my husband not from myself!So sweet!


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