Friday, June 17, 2011
Fear- Update!
I just wanted to update everyone that about an hour after I posted my last blog I got the call that we had been waiting for and info we had been waiting for regarding Isaiahs trial. This is a call we have been waiting for since mid April. His termination hearing is mid July. Please pray that things will continue to go smoothly. God is SOOOO GOOD! All glory and honor to HIM!
Fear
We are all affected by it. We are motivated by it. We are paralyzed by it. It can reveal our true character. It can cause us to react in unusual ways. We all have our own personal fears. Fear of failure (financial, career, in our marriage, as a parent, in school). Fear of being alone. Fear of the unknown. Fear of regret. Fear of snakes, spiders, little people (you know who you are ;)), and things that go bump in the night.
In the last couple of years, my fear has mostly been wrapped around one item: Being a mother. I was afraid that my baby wouldn't come. Even though God promised me that he would. Fear that my heart would break when my foster children left. Even though God promised me that he would not devastate me. Fear that I would do all this and be left with nothing to show for it. Even though the scriptures tell me that that is a lie:
Hebrews 6:10-19
"For God is not unjust; he will not overlook your work and the love that you showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do. And we want each one of you to show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
When God made a promise to Abraham, because he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently endured, obtained the promise. Human beings, of course, swear by someone greater than themselves, and an oath given as confirmation puts an end to all dispute. In the same way, when God desired to show even more clearly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it by an oath, so that through two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible that God would prove false, we who have taken refuge might be strongly encouraged to seize the hope set before us. We have this hope, a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters the inner shrine behind the curtain,
And now that God has miraculously brought me my baby (read our story here) I have a different fear...that someone will take my baby away. You see, Isaiah is not adopted yet. He is called a legal risk placement which pretty much means that the plan is adoption, but anything could happen. With Isaiah's case, the risk is minute but it is there until the ink dries on the paper and he is legally mine. The risk is there.
But you know what else is there? A reminder that God is true, real, just, good, and keeps his promises. As I sit here, drinking my coffee and typing this, God's promise to me is in his crib, butt-in-the-air, napping. Multiple times a day, I put my reminder of God's goodness in and out of a car seat. Every night, my husband rocks our reminder that God is real and working today, to sleep. I am not saying the reason I believe God is real and good hinges on Isaiah, but on days when I am struggling with believeing, I look at him, and think about how he was brought to us and wonder: how can I deny God? Last night, my husband and I were praying over Isaiah's case and the Lord gently reminded me that he didn't need any help bringing Isaiah to us. That actually, when I finally stopped trying to manipulate and control the situation - then my hands were open to recieve my son.
I confess friends, I have been back to my old tricks: calling caseworkers, sending emails, etc to make sure our termination date in July goes off without a hitch. Then I was reminded of something one of my friends said: "You don't have to do anything to get God to be good and loving and fulfill his promises. You can't do anything to make that happen because it is already true. It is already in his character". So I am going to try to let go of the fear or at least loosen my grip because Psalm 34:4 says: "God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears". Amen.
Also if you think to vote http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/better-than-empty that would be great!
In the last couple of years, my fear has mostly been wrapped around one item: Being a mother. I was afraid that my baby wouldn't come. Even though God promised me that he would. Fear that my heart would break when my foster children left. Even though God promised me that he would not devastate me. Fear that I would do all this and be left with nothing to show for it. Even though the scriptures tell me that that is a lie:
Hebrews 6:10-19
"For God is not unjust; he will not overlook your work and the love that you showed for his sake in serving the saints, as you still do. And we want each one of you to show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, so that you may not become sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
When God made a promise to Abraham, because he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently endured, obtained the promise. Human beings, of course, swear by someone greater than themselves, and an oath given as confirmation puts an end to all dispute. In the same way, when God desired to show even more clearly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it by an oath, so that through two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible that God would prove false, we who have taken refuge might be strongly encouraged to seize the hope set before us. We have this hope, a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters the inner shrine behind the curtain,
And now that God has miraculously brought me my baby (read our story here) I have a different fear...that someone will take my baby away. You see, Isaiah is not adopted yet. He is called a legal risk placement which pretty much means that the plan is adoption, but anything could happen. With Isaiah's case, the risk is minute but it is there until the ink dries on the paper and he is legally mine. The risk is there.
But you know what else is there? A reminder that God is true, real, just, good, and keeps his promises. As I sit here, drinking my coffee and typing this, God's promise to me is in his crib, butt-in-the-air, napping. Multiple times a day, I put my reminder of God's goodness in and out of a car seat. Every night, my husband rocks our reminder that God is real and working today, to sleep. I am not saying the reason I believe God is real and good hinges on Isaiah, but on days when I am struggling with believeing, I look at him, and think about how he was brought to us and wonder: how can I deny God? Last night, my husband and I were praying over Isaiah's case and the Lord gently reminded me that he didn't need any help bringing Isaiah to us. That actually, when I finally stopped trying to manipulate and control the situation - then my hands were open to recieve my son.
I confess friends, I have been back to my old tricks: calling caseworkers, sending emails, etc to make sure our termination date in July goes off without a hitch. Then I was reminded of something one of my friends said: "You don't have to do anything to get God to be good and loving and fulfill his promises. You can't do anything to make that happen because it is already true. It is already in his character". So I am going to try to let go of the fear or at least loosen my grip because Psalm 34:4 says: "God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears". Amen.
Also if you think to vote http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/better-than-empty that would be great!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Circle Of Moms
Voting for my blog will help me drum up readership. I would love that.
I have this blog/soapbox/platform for several reasons.
First, I want to process this journey of foster care and adoption which is amazing, humbling, awe-inspiring, lonely, sad, scary, gut-wrenching, beautiful, and right in the center of where I am supposed to be.
Second, I want to encourage and inspire other foster and adoptive moms and families because I remember when my first foster daughters went back home, I was overcome by grief; I didn't know how to process it and didn't have anyone in my life who had been through what I was experiencing. I scoured the internet trying to find someone whose blog I could read, someone whose common ground I could stand on and whose words and experiences could help me learn to deal and learn to heal. Honestly, I came up short. I found plenty on adoption but not too much on my particular niche in the adoptive arena. That was when I decided that maybe I could attempt to do for others what I couldn't find for myself.
Last, and equally important, I want to inform people; I want to disprove stigmas and deconstruct stereotypes. I want people to see foster care and adoption as something in the realm of their possibilities. I want people to see my family and realize we are simply a family trying to love Jesus and each other as best we can. I want to attach names, stories, and faces to orphans so they become more personal and less distant. I want to challenge people to realize that the orphan crisis is everyone's crisis and that there are many things we, in both small and large ways, can do to unite the lonely with families and turn orphans into sons and daughters.
So if you like what you read here vote for me here:
You can vote mulitiple times.
Also if you like my blog follow or subscribe!
Thanks
I have this blog/soapbox/platform for several reasons.
First, I want to process this journey of foster care and adoption which is amazing, humbling, awe-inspiring, lonely, sad, scary, gut-wrenching, beautiful, and right in the center of where I am supposed to be.
Second, I want to encourage and inspire other foster and adoptive moms and families because I remember when my first foster daughters went back home, I was overcome by grief; I didn't know how to process it and didn't have anyone in my life who had been through what I was experiencing. I scoured the internet trying to find someone whose blog I could read, someone whose common ground I could stand on and whose words and experiences could help me learn to deal and learn to heal. Honestly, I came up short. I found plenty on adoption but not too much on my particular niche in the adoptive arena. That was when I decided that maybe I could attempt to do for others what I couldn't find for myself.
Last, and equally important, I want to inform people; I want to disprove stigmas and deconstruct stereotypes. I want people to see foster care and adoption as something in the realm of their possibilities. I want people to see my family and realize we are simply a family trying to love Jesus and each other as best we can. I want to attach names, stories, and faces to orphans so they become more personal and less distant. I want to challenge people to realize that the orphan crisis is everyone's crisis and that there are many things we, in both small and large ways, can do to unite the lonely with families and turn orphans into sons and daughters.
So if you like what you read here vote for me here:
You can vote mulitiple times.
Also if you like my blog follow or subscribe!
Thanks
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
All about Isaiah 11 months-ish
This boy is growing so fast and melting my heart! He is so fun and smart, and sweet, and cute. I feel so incredibly blessed that God chose me to be his mother.I am over the moon. I want to remember every single moment and it is going by all too fast!So I am trying to do these post periodically to document some stuff.
Foods: CRACKERS! and mostly fruits and vegetables.Your favorites are tomatoes and watermelon. You eat almost anything and a lot of it! You do not like bread, or bananas.
Music: You LOVE it . Whenever a song comes on with a beat that you like you stop what you are doing pull up and dance. You also love patty cake and know all the motions to do with it!
Activities: Practicing standing you do this all day. Pull up, gain your balance, let go of whatever you are holding onto, stand a few seconds, fall, repeat. But when you do this you are so proud you raise your hands over your head and have a huge smile on your face.You are SO BIG! You also love getting in the dog bowl, pulling books of the shelf and playing with kitchenware, and taking a bath.
You can: CRAWL you are all over the place, you are cruising, you sign more, you blow kisses, you wave, and "roll it up" (Patty Cake), feed yourself
Things that make you laugh: Wrestling you love to roughhouse, your Daddy (when you hear the back door open in the afternoon your whole body gets excited and you start shrieking), feeding me of your plate
New Stuff- you chirp usually when you are kinda frustrated.
Foods: CRACKERS! and mostly fruits and vegetables.Your favorites are tomatoes and watermelon. You eat almost anything and a lot of it! You do not like bread, or bananas.
Music: You LOVE it . Whenever a song comes on with a beat that you like you stop what you are doing pull up and dance. You also love patty cake and know all the motions to do with it!
Activities: Practicing standing you do this all day. Pull up, gain your balance, let go of whatever you are holding onto, stand a few seconds, fall, repeat. But when you do this you are so proud you raise your hands over your head and have a huge smile on your face.You are SO BIG! You also love getting in the dog bowl, pulling books of the shelf and playing with kitchenware, and taking a bath.
You can: CRAWL you are all over the place, you are cruising, you sign more, you blow kisses, you wave, and "roll it up" (Patty Cake), feed yourself
Things that make you laugh: Wrestling you love to roughhouse, your Daddy (when you hear the back door open in the afternoon your whole body gets excited and you start shrieking), feeding me of your plate
New Stuff- you chirp usually when you are kinda frustrated.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
On the horizon
We have some really exciting things on the horizon right now.
One is that we are pursuing a fifteen year old boy for adoption. The Lord has been speaking to my heart recently about the kids who are considered "difficult to adopt." I felt like He was saying, "You say that you are for me and that I am for orphans. Lets go after the children who are really waiting." This generally includes teens, large sibling groups, and children with disabilities. My pastor spoke about the fatherless a couple of weeks ago and I was looking for some resources and I came across one that talked about adopting teens and my heart was pricked. So, I found a teen on TARE, Texas Adoption Resource Exchange, and called my adoption case worker at Kornerstone. She agreed to inquire about the boy on TARE but she also had a teen that she wanted to tell me about (she always has one that she wants to tell me about, her pockets seem to be full of them). When I heard his story, I immediately felt a connection to him. As Matt and I prayed, we felt as though this boy quickly became cemented in our hearts and we believe that he belongs with us. We are in the very early stages and are waiting to hear if his caseworker even wants to move forward with us - prayers are appreciated.
The other thing is that we met a family, the Cottles, and the Lord has laid a clear vision on our hearts of starting a foster community similar to this one with this amazing family. We are in the early stages of praying, dreaming, and planning, but this is definitely where we are headed and we are thrilled at the goodness of God's plan for our life. We have only had three dinners together but after the first one, I knew that we would be partnering in ministry and that ultimately we would be growing our families along side each other.
I share all this with you because we covet your prayers over both these situations.
One is that we are pursuing a fifteen year old boy for adoption. The Lord has been speaking to my heart recently about the kids who are considered "difficult to adopt." I felt like He was saying, "You say that you are for me and that I am for orphans. Lets go after the children who are really waiting." This generally includes teens, large sibling groups, and children with disabilities. My pastor spoke about the fatherless a couple of weeks ago and I was looking for some resources and I came across one that talked about adopting teens and my heart was pricked. So, I found a teen on TARE, Texas Adoption Resource Exchange, and called my adoption case worker at Kornerstone. She agreed to inquire about the boy on TARE but she also had a teen that she wanted to tell me about (she always has one that she wants to tell me about, her pockets seem to be full of them). When I heard his story, I immediately felt a connection to him. As Matt and I prayed, we felt as though this boy quickly became cemented in our hearts and we believe that he belongs with us. We are in the very early stages and are waiting to hear if his caseworker even wants to move forward with us - prayers are appreciated.
The other thing is that we met a family, the Cottles, and the Lord has laid a clear vision on our hearts of starting a foster community similar to this one with this amazing family. We are in the early stages of praying, dreaming, and planning, but this is definitely where we are headed and we are thrilled at the goodness of God's plan for our life. We have only had three dinners together but after the first one, I knew that we would be partnering in ministry and that ultimately we would be growing our families along side each other.
I share all this with you because we covet your prayers over both these situations.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What's For Dinner? Wednesday : Tex Mex Pulled Pork and Garlicky Coleslaw
I talked about do this a while back and just never got my butt in gear. So I guess I'm in gear.
Tex Mex Pulled Pork
Ingredients:
1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce, 1 C BBQ sauce, 1 sliced medium onion, 2 (4oz) cans drained diced green chillies, 3 to 4 tablespoons chili powder, 1 teaspoon dried oregano, 1 (2 1/2 to 3 1/2 lb) boneless pork tenderloin 1/2 C chopped fresh cilantro
In a medium bowl mix tomato sauce, BBQ sauce, onion, green chillies, chili powder, cumin, oregano. Place pork in slow cooker pour sauce over the pork. Cover and cook on low for 8 to 9 hours or until tender. remove pork to cutting board and shred using two forks. Put back in the sauce.
Garlic Cole Slaw
1 bag (1 lb) shredded cabbage, crisped, 1 C apple cider vinegar, 2 1/2 T salt, 1 C mayonnaise, 1/2 C olive, 1/2 C minced garlic.
Mix all ingredients and let sit for an hour.
I like to serve this on toasted buns and pile the pork and the coleslaw all together on top. Trust me sooooo good and very messy. I also serve this with sweet potato fries.
Tex Mex Pulled Pork
Ingredients:
1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce, 1 C BBQ sauce, 1 sliced medium onion, 2 (4oz) cans drained diced green chillies, 3 to 4 tablespoons chili powder, 1 teaspoon dried oregano, 1 (2 1/2 to 3 1/2 lb) boneless pork tenderloin 1/2 C chopped fresh cilantro
In a medium bowl mix tomato sauce, BBQ sauce, onion, green chillies, chili powder, cumin, oregano. Place pork in slow cooker pour sauce over the pork. Cover and cook on low for 8 to 9 hours or until tender. remove pork to cutting board and shred using two forks. Put back in the sauce.
Garlic Cole Slaw
1 bag (1 lb) shredded cabbage, crisped, 1 C apple cider vinegar, 2 1/2 T salt, 1 C mayonnaise, 1/2 C olive, 1/2 C minced garlic.
Mix all ingredients and let sit for an hour.
I like to serve this on toasted buns and pile the pork and the coleslaw all together on top. Trust me sooooo good and very messy. I also serve this with sweet potato fries.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
In the habit of saying YES
I have had a distinct feeling for a while that this Spring would be big for our family, but I wasn't sure how. Do you have have those moments where the purpose for the stuff you have been doing splits right open in front of you and you think: "This is it! This is what I have been praying, practicing, and preparing for!"
In the last couple of years, the Lord has brought us to some unexpected places. He has asked us to do some unexpected things. All the while, He has promised a more abundant and full life, and He has delivered.
It seems as though He has been asking a series of questions like this: Will you give up the thought of control? Will you do foster care? Will you leave a job you love and go teach? Will you leave a school you love and teach at another? Will you leave a church where you are comfortable and have a family and go to one where you have never laid eyes on anyone? Will you leave your job? Will you trust me to provide?
We said yes, most times relunctantly and most times holding on to some kind of safety net with our knuckles white. But I feel like all that has been practice, to get us in the habit of saying yes. We have gotten better at it. Letting go. Better at saying: this doesn't quite make sense and it doesn't even really seem like it will work, but God is good, and He is the one who is asking so...let's do it.
Last night friends, we met with some people, and they started laying out a vision, a dream. And while they were sharing all the pieces to their dream, all of those past yes's fell together and I realized that they laid out a path to the vision they were imagining. It was suddenly clear that all the stuff God had been cultivating in me seemed to be preparing me for sharing in the vision with them.
I am so excited friends and I wish I could share more, but right now there is much praying and talking and thinking to be done. Please pray for wisdom and clear vision for our family.
Luke 16:10
He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.
In the last couple of years, the Lord has brought us to some unexpected places. He has asked us to do some unexpected things. All the while, He has promised a more abundant and full life, and He has delivered.
It seems as though He has been asking a series of questions like this: Will you give up the thought of control? Will you do foster care? Will you leave a job you love and go teach? Will you leave a school you love and teach at another? Will you leave a church where you are comfortable and have a family and go to one where you have never laid eyes on anyone? Will you leave your job? Will you trust me to provide?
We said yes, most times relunctantly and most times holding on to some kind of safety net with our knuckles white. But I feel like all that has been practice, to get us in the habit of saying yes. We have gotten better at it. Letting go. Better at saying: this doesn't quite make sense and it doesn't even really seem like it will work, but God is good, and He is the one who is asking so...let's do it.
Last night friends, we met with some people, and they started laying out a vision, a dream. And while they were sharing all the pieces to their dream, all of those past yes's fell together and I realized that they laid out a path to the vision they were imagining. It was suddenly clear that all the stuff God had been cultivating in me seemed to be preparing me for sharing in the vision with them.
I am so excited friends and I wish I could share more, but right now there is much praying and talking and thinking to be done. Please pray for wisdom and clear vision for our family.
Luke 16:10
He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.
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